Saturday, June 27, 2009

Ideal Indian Movie

There's a ban on smoking and drinking on screen. Now, Mr. Azad, according to today's newspaper reports, wants to ban rape, murder and dacoity on screen. Soon, there will be a list of things that movies can't have, such as:
  • Shouting
  • Abusing
  • Kidnapping
  • Money laundering
  • Bhaiyya cheating bhaiyya (a recurring theme in hindi movies of a certain age)
  • Gender discrimination (like calling "oye chokri" and "launde!")
  • Bar dances and item numbers
  • Seduction
  • Love before marriage
  • Children disobeying parents (it sets a bad impression on the upcoming generation, man!)
  • Eloping
  • Mobile phones (since they are banned in schools, they should also be banned in movies).
It should show:
  • a hardworking hero, either a doctor, a lawyer, a CA, an engineer or a business consultant;
  • a heroine, who does pooja every day in the morning and in the evening, or spends a lot of time reading the Quran or visiting Harmandir Sahib every other shot;
  • a heroine's elder brother smarter than the hero, who calmly advices (or gives a presentation) to the hero on why the hero shouldn't keep following the heroine;
  • the hero and the heroine decides not to meet each other until parents agree to their meeting (already came up in a coupla movies, but this has to be a routine, man. it's time to cultivate behaviour through movies!); and
  • finally the parents of hero and heroine agrees to their marriage. Any pregnancy later on should be attributed to birds or bees.
Oh wow! then it would appear like a perfect family movie, Karan Johar style sans the gay overtones of course... And in the beginning, as a forward, there should be a scene shot, maybe, in heaven, in which the parents of the hero and the heroine would have decided that they are made for each other. and no more "Let's go party tonight!"

it would be better for govt of India itself to write the script for, direct and release all movies by iteslf. i mean, there's got to be a limit! this is going to be termed "propaganda" or "mass media infiltration" soon. I'm not sure where all this will lead to.


apathetic said...

roflmao!!!! .... nice one dude

Anonymous said...

Cool one..:)


Rajesh said...

Nice post on the situation.
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